Is watching porn ok?
- Caroline Carrington
- Apr 1
- 2 min read
As a pleasure and intimacy coach and NeoTantra teacher, I get the impression that I'm not supposed to talk about porn. As many of you already know, I'm not a typical coach. I love supporting people in exploring their sexuality in a variety of ways through the celebration of their pleasure and desire. I encourage transparency and connection and help people to bring what is held in the shadows out into the light.
I saw this headline from an article co-written by Pamela Anderson and Rabbi Boteach:
"Simply put, we must educate ourselves and our children to understand that porn is for losers—a boring, wasteful and dead-end outlet for people too lazy to reap the ample rewards of healthy sexuality."
40 million Americans consider themselves regular visitors to porn sites. I think this quote is a gross misrepresentation of people who watch porn.
I watch porn sometimes when I self-pleasure. I have friends and colleagues that work in the porn industry. I share porn with my lovers. I imagine that my teenage son likely watches porn too. So many people are watching porn yet no one is admitting it.
It is important to understand that porn can stimulate fantasy but it is not real. Learning to have sex by watching porn is like trying to learn to drive by watching the Fast and the Furious. Porn is acting, not real sex. No one has sex in those positions, created to facilitate the best camera angles, not even the porn stars when they are having sex in the privacy of their homes. While I know some of the downsides are that porn objectifies women and creates unrealistic ideas of how people have sex on the flipside I also know people who are incredibly empowered by working in the porn industry.
A study reviewing online porn usage in in 2015 revealed "the worldwide average length for a visit to Pornhub was 9 minutes and 16 seconds. This indicates that most people are not ‘addicted’ in a way that they spend all of their time on porn, or doing little else with their time. Your average person only stays long enough to find what they like and masturbate to it” notes Dr. Laurie.
She suggests that “these results may indicate that porn watching is linked to leisure but not as a priority for people. Most people still value human social interaction above solo sex.”
If you need help with a porn addiction or feel like you use porn to escape intimacy with a partner. I'm here to helo so reach out to me to book a video coaching session.
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